Today marks the last day of April. May is already here, which means it's time for some made up FML's.
Today, my parents got me a new car for my 17th birthday. My dad jokingly said that I should try driving it on top of a lake. I later found a dead body in the trunk. FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's mom at the grocery store. I accidentally spilt some drinks on the floor which caused her to slip and fall onto the little Mexican child that I also accidentally placed behind her. FML
Today, I got an erection while doing some reading in class. The girl next to me saw it and started smacking the shit out of it with her textbook. She thought it was a rat crawling in my pants. FML
Today, I really needed to use the bathroom while in class. When I got the chance, I quickly ran to the nearest bathroom stall and started peeing without realizing that there was someone sitting in the seat. I was R. Kelly for two minutes. FML
Today, my wife gave birth to our first child. It was a boy. It was also black. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's grandfather for the first time. I went to shake his hand but soon realized that he did not have any. FML
Today, I walked in on my son having sex. My son is a homo. I saw live-action gay porn. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to call my bestfriend, who is mexican, a beaner. I got jumped after school. FML
Today, a car crashed into my bathroom while I was taking a shit. It ran over the toilet paper. FML
Today, after a long talk about abstinence with my extremely conservative grandmother, she walked in on me listening to the Jonas Brothers. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke-up with me for my best friend. My best friend is imaginary. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of four years when she proves to me that she is a man. FML
Today, I fell asleep while getting a haircut. I woke up two hours later missing one kidney and looking like T-Pain. FML
Today, my balls started to itch while I was in class so I reached down to scratch them. The guy sitting next to me screamed "What the hell?" I scratched the wrong pair of balls. FML
Joke of the day: They always said that a black man would be president only when pigs fly. After Barack Obama's first 100 days, Swine Flu.
Lol @ how often I update. I have the hiccups.
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